


Unsteady (Soulmate AU)

by ivybucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, If you need help, Loads of Angst, Soulmate AU, TW: Self Harm, dont be afraid to reach out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivybucky/pseuds/ivybucky
Summary: Request: Can you do a soulmate fic where marks are shared and the reader self harms and Bucky finds her?Hi guys I’m very excited to have so many fics coming up but I needed to make a statement about this one. As you are aware, depression is something that plagues millions of people. I have gone through my own phases of depression myself. Depression is not something that should be taken lightly and no one should have to feel that way. Some people are able to hide it well and no one is there for them. Self-harm is never the answer, so try to reach out to your loved ones and let them know that if they ever feel depressed they can talk to you. Help them in anyway you can. With that in mind, my message board is always open to anyone who needs it. If you need someone to talk to, anyone to talk to, you can always message me and I can help you through it. I reached out to the person who requested this fic and now she is a good friend who knows she can come to me at any time she needs it. That is open to everyone on this site. I love all of you and I want each of you to know someone’s in your corner.
Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 51





	Unsteady (Soulmate AU)

**Author's Note:**

> all of my marvel fics can be found at ivybucky on tumblr

Soulmates uniting were supposed to be happy occasions.

At least that’s what Bucky has been taught. For decades, the ex-assassin had heard these amazing stories about soulmates meeting each other for the first time, pairing embracing in a huge romantic fashion. This is what Bucky expected when he met you. Instead, your meeting was doused in tears.

For years, you had struggled with depression, fighting against this darkness that constantly tried to absorb your life. You hadn’t tried reaching out to family members that much, only hoping that any one of your loved ones would see through the fake smile you constantly wore. Sure, people would ask about your well-being, but how could you possibly put your burden onto someone else’s shoulders. Instead, you nodded and said you were fine while your eyes screamed for someone to notice your pain.

You only did it when you needed to feel something, when you needed to launch yourself out of the numbness, or to focus on something in the middle of an anxiety attack. The pressure and the pain of the blade on your skin grounded you back to this earth when you started to feel yourself floating into nonexistence. The red, upraised lines of skin on your thighs somehow reminded you that you were actually there.

It started when your mother died, leaving you in this unbearable world with the one person you just couldn’t forgive; your father. He and your mom had gotten divorced long ago and it took you years to figure out why. For some reason, you had decided to keep your knowledge and play along with the “happy broken family” ideal your dad thought you had and allowing you to only truly feel emotion when you were balanced on a razor blade. When he passed away, the realization of orphanhood crashed down on you, suffocating you even more than before. Now, you were the worst you’d been in a long time.

You never thought that you had a soulmate. At some point, you started to hope you didn’t. Your self-doubt often did that to you. Who would ever be perfect for someone messed up like me? Amongst your angst stricken life, you’d become aware of the marks that covered you. Part of you was glad there were more, just another cover up for your self-inflicted scars. Yet, you still didn’t want to meet him. You didn’t think you actually handle that kind of rejection. One look at you, and he’d sure to run away as soon as possible. He had to have known what you did. That was just something you couldn’t face.

Even as you had convinced yourself that not meeting him would be the best, your heart still yearned for him, longing for your true match to be by your side. You often had dreams about him, hearing his voice, watching him smile. Some dreams were so clear, you would think you had met him before. But life is only a dream, right?

You currently sat in your bathroom tub watch small blood droplets slide down your forearm. Your mind seemed to be filled with static watching as the blade slipped across you once perfect skin. At some point that night, you’d spiraled. An anxiety attack had sprung upon you and you’d been unable to completely identify the cause, chalking it up to be the overwhelming abandonment issues you’d be forever plagued with. You’d been there for hours, filling any space on your arm as you could. You tried to be smart about it, not letting your body drain too much.

With the blade pressed into your skin starting a new mark, a loud knock at the front door of you apartments startles you out of your dazed state of being. You cry in pain looking down to see that the blade had slipped and gone deeper than intended, going more vertical than the others. You suddenly became aware of the burning hot feeling that took over your other scars. Blood was now flowing swiftly out of the wound and your heart rate increased as panic consumed you, vision becoming blurry, letting out a whispered “help.”

~

Bucky had been running around the city for hours looking for you. His gasped as another mark decorated his forearm, sending a tingle through his body.

He had no clue where you were, not even the slightest idea. But Bucky had been observing you hurt yourself for years, unable to do anything about it. Tonight, he had an overwhelming sense of anxiousness, as if you could feel that something bad was going to happen. So he walked out of the Avenger Tower in New York, and walked around like a madman, changing directions as he followed the heat on his scars.

Bucky had gone through his own bit of self doubt and depreciation. Once he had regained his own mind, remembering everything he did, he just wanted it to stop. Turns out being a super soldier allows him to heal in record time.

He was in a better place than before. He had Steve and Sam, he had his friends to bring him back to earth. He knew what would’ve happened if he didn’t have them.

And now he was watching you take that path.

Bucky stopped in front of a plain looking apartment, brown brick with white trim in the middle of Brooklynn. He almost scoffed at the irony. He hissed as his forearm burned hotter than it ever had before, signaling he was in the right place. He threw the door open, taking the stairs two at a time as his arm’s heat increased.

He reached your door, staring at it frozen in his stop. Somehow the apartment numbers felt extremely familiar, like he’d be here all his life. He gasped, feeling yet another mark grazed his arm. He started at it, more panic welling up inside him. His hand rose to the door and knocked loud and fast. He listened closely, missing the jagged new mark that stood out from the rest on his wrist. He heard metal clang and an incoherent whisper.

“Goddamn it,” he muttered. Panic consuming him at this point, he kicked your door open and ran to the bathroom.

You barely heard the sounds that flooded your apartment as they were muffled from the sound of your heartbeat radiating through your head. Your bathroom door flew open and your head rolled in its direction. Your eyes met a pair of startled, sad steel blue eyes. You’d never seen eyes this beautiful before but they instantly felt like home.

Bucky rushed to your side, shaking hands hovering over your skin at all a loss for what to do. “Doll, you gotta stay with me,” he said shakingly, tears flowing down his cheeks as his heart began to break.

You reached out, grabbing his hand. Bucky gasped as he felt the scars on his forearm slowly start to disappear. He quickly looked back at yours as they followed suit. He let out a sigh of relief. Looking at the floor to ground himself.

He looked back at your clasped hands, then to your face watching as your mouth came up in the smallest of smiles. He grinned a watery smile, kissing the back of your hand.

“I’m going to take you with me, okay?” he asked, watching you nod. He picked you up bridal style and took you out your apartment, kicking the door shut behind him. He walked down the stairs to the car Tony had follow him. He sighed again, glad to have you safe in his arms.

“I got you, doll,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “I’m gonna take care of you.”


End file.
